Suddenly I felt a prompting in my heart saying “you need to forgive your father.” I just totally crumbled, knelt down on the cold concrete floor and started sobbing into the church sofa. I finally stopped crying and say, “Jesus, I forgive my father.” and the heaviness was gone. The money was 500k for getting away with murder but she would have made more as a pharmacist as she and her family originally intended for her. The golden handcuffs of the allegedly lucrative profession means capable brains are steered away from scientific research. If so that is a valid point and that thought has definitely crossed my mind. My conclusion is that any relationship is a transaction, what value can you add to my life? How transparent or how much you can help people will only be evaluated on how much you trust the other person. My intentions are never to use people but I know that there are less empathetic people out there which is why I think people need to have their guards up also. My problem is that I am easy to get a long with but tough to put my guard down. This leads to me not being able to trust very many people. Alas it is the Asian way – you are nothing unless you are financially successful. I am reminded regularly by my family that I don’t measure up. But it’s ok, I find my satisfaction and self worth elsewhere. Contrary to what many here say, from all the lies she was able to pull off, her parents were not that strict and pretty much gave her reasonable leeway. It’s obvious her parents were successful and Jennifer failed to even meet even her own expectations. Hence thinking she’d kill her parents and take her parent’s wealth and achievements. We aren’t all born with our heads screwed straight. It’s not like he owns the 1960s Batman rights. Most of us don’t need to see Stephanie Kaye’s Tuesday Taylor outfit changes. Thank you for sharing anonymousgirl, I relate to your experience and timmy’s as well (haven’t read the others yet). It’s probably true that the makeup of University classrooms in Engineering, Medicine, Law and other Sciences these days are practically ALL Asian kids. This opportunity is available to ALL Non-Asian kids as well but they CHOSE NOT to take it up and is therefore unreasonable to be taken out as affront against Asian parents . Reminds me of the way Casey Anthony was raised and lied and lied to her parents too about living a life she was not living. Yeah kids also need time to just be kids without parental supervision and interference and planning. Love, discipline, friends, achievement, hard work. I wish my parents realized this instead of beating me when I was a kid. The expectations to do well and secure a good job are characteristics of Asians…whether one is immigrant or not. Asian DNA expects the best performance in education. What she could have done is moving out of the home so nobody gets hurt physically. Moving out is a common thing in western world so the blame is still on the daughter who wanted it all. That doesnt sound like pressure compared to many people’s lives. Life is hard and they are doing what they think is the best. We all just wanted love, support, and nurture. When you are deprived of it you will want it more then anything. She lied a lot and haha Dad survived to her dismay AND managed to get out of the house and shout at a neighbor – foiled again as it were. Uh no this level – a higher level than the working class immigrants – they tend to socialize togehter, compete, compare notes and are catty with one another – my dad avoided these kinds of families. Did she carom out of control when Daniel “saved her life”? Maybe she is just really tacky and reads Twilight without irony. Uh it sounds like it’s about the suicidal patient not just the abuse suffered. It’s better to accept your parents’ shortcomings so you will not be surprised when they really screw up or get into trouble.
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Jennifer Pan’s Revenge: The inside story of a golden child, the killers she hired, and the parents she wanted dead
As for your other point — people DO exclude you for not knowing so much about movies/music. You’re lucky if people haven’t thus far, but you’ll definitely get quizzical looks and sideways glances and sometimes to simply avoid the line of questioning of “why haven’t you been to X country” or “why don’t you know this? ” and having to get into quite personal information about myself with someone I barely know, I’d rather just lie and say I know something or have been there. But it depends on the situation and something you have to gauge for sure. Sometimes it’s best not to get caught in a lie, but at other times I’d rather just shrug something off and carry on. I found myself sympathetic for the girl in the beginning, but as she got deeper and deeper, it became harder and harder to do so. So many times the way out was right at her fingertips, but she was so deep in her own Hell she couldn’t see it. I’m surprised her attorneys didn’t use that either. From a wiser standpoint, the parents are just trying to do what is right for her. It may not have had the desired affects, but no one can truly predict successive outcomes. If she had come to her parents after failing Calculus and they didn’t support her, I would agree with you, but she kept that lie going for years instead. If she had just told her parents immediately, they probably would have just yelled at her, then made her take Calculus over the summer and not delay graduation. Asian parents have high expectations of their children – it’s a popular stereotype that holds some truth, but this characteristic is not necessarily limited to race alone. Many of these strict parents overcame severe hardship and as in Jennifer’s parents’ case, they were refugees. They struggle and work excruciatingly hard toward the goal that their children wouldn’t have to go through the same. My parents, seeing the full extent of my collapse , accepted what had happened. They helped me back on my feet and supported me. Then I realized that my parents weren’t actually pressuring me very hard to go back to university. The reality of their suddenly diminished expectations for me, the idea that I may have permanently sunk in their estimation, put the Fear of God in me more than any amount of bullying or belittlement ever could. I went on to finish my undergrad and even went on to get a professional degree. This is a really touching and intense narrative. I absolutely agree that Asians are not the only culture that experiences this kind of parenting in a systematic manner. I could only speak to my own experience, and I didn’t want to overreach into a culture that wasn’t my own, so thanks for sharing this perspective as well. A lot of nasty chinese people are nice to their own family and horrible to other people but you cant say that all immigrants are saintly parents – they may want that jump out of their pit and class for themselves by proxy. Their sons may not be doctors or their daughters rich pharmacists back in the old country. I heard this from a traumatized Vietnamese law student with a gambling problem. He was so screwed up but consoled himself that he didn’t blame his parents and they thought they were doing their best so he was both his own flying monkey and ostrich. I think it is possible for anyone to redeem themselves, even Jennifer Pan. It will take a lifetime of emotional turmoil and surrounding herself with the right people but i believe she can do it. It’s a unforgivable crime to hurt your parents and she is now paying the price for her life. I only hope that she finds peace in solidarity and that this sort of prison confinement can open her eyes. Every time i get a phone call from my father, my heart drops a little because for a split second I still feel like the fearful little girl I once was. From all the years of abuse, it does take a toll mentally and there are side effects.
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It was such a stressful period in my life, and i was fortunate they never found out about anything. I went to court and pleaded no contest to the crime. I was given a misdemeanor and many hours of community service. I completed it all myself, without ever involving the parents. Before the court date, there was a lot of press and media writing about what had happened. I even went and purchased all the Chinese newspapers to prevent them from seeing my face in the front of the paper. I asked some of my Chinese friends nearby to buy all the Chinese papers in their city too. They never found out, and they didn’t watch TV enough. I once turned on the morning news and saw my face headlining the news on ABC 7. I eventually got kicked out of the University and the chancellor told me i could never apply to any state school with my background. I sobbed and sobbed until I couldn’t anymore. My whole identity of a person was to go to college. I worked my ass off at a local community college and gained acceptance to a respectable UC school in Northern California. I told my parents that I wanted to transfer because it was a better program. I moved up to NorCal, finished my degree in 1.5 years and worked really hard to get a job despite the misdemeanor sitting in my record.
I think you have a very simplistic view of how her parents were “monitoring” her. It’s very often not as straightforward, and many parents rely on shame and guilt to keep their children in line and follow along with their plans for their kids’ lives. They probably stunted her emotionally and she grew up without developing the kind of empathy that you would develop in a loving and nurturing home. From what I see, it’s not like they never loved her, it’s just a “Tiger” parent’s way of showing tough love. They implemented proper safeguards to ensure and help guide their child to grow up well. Whether Jennifer chose to listen or not, that’s on her. Sure, their expectations may not have matched what Jennifer could achieve, but it was still reasonable what they have done.
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I agree that it’s not always straightforward, but I think it’s pretty unfair that you are making all these assumptions about how she was raised (ie. “They probably stunted her emotionally etc etc “). From all your comments so far it really just comes across as if you are you projecting your own experiences onto this story. While you say others are too quick to label, here you are, labelling Jennifer yourself as “a broken and traumatized person who needs a lot of help”. You believe what you do, most likely because it coincides with you worldview, and what you want to believe. But I do think that the viewpoints you reference are not necessarily diametrically opposed. One can blame, and indeed hate what someone has done, while also recognizing them as a victim. Not much discussion here about the company she kept. Most of us don’t have friends who know people who kill people for money. Most of us would never even remotely condone such action. There are studies that indicate peer group has a much larger influence on actions than parental influence, once someone has become an adult. No, a parent’s job is to guide them you bozo not dictate what they do. Mine said pursue an education and study hard. If I didnt, they were there to bring me back on track. If your children want to go frolicking in the park because they dont know better and thats ok with you, then go ahead. When we went over the pond on this side, my parents still had that whole “tiger” tendency, but not so much. My sister enjoyed the change of pace, and she excelled in her own way. This led to another set of problems with me who were used to be so competitive, and how I become the jaded person that I am today, but that is a lesson for another time. Since none of us know all the details I find it instructive to first examine the indisputable facts in order to get a feel for what transpired and for the likely causation of a tragedy. This article was valuable in that it gave a fairly thorough chronology of the events leading up to the crime and a background of the family dynamics. No one wants to acknowledge that yes, how we are raised and what choices our families make for us might not be the best things. In order to understand this issue, a lot of us have to look within and understand that many cultures are very broken about how they raise their kids, and the mantra of “your family only wants the best for you and can do no wrong” is not always true. The article quite clearly states that it is a friend of Ms. Pan’s who believes that her parents are to blame. It’s not unusual for friends and family of persons convicted of crimes to find excuses. How is this article biased for reporting a fact? The fact that one of Ms. Pan’s friends believes that her parents pushed her into this shows how truly awful and messed-up a situation this is. This is just one persons opinion but maybe 2 sides of the story would be better than your own made up reality. You should also hear from the family before making claims about their lives.
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- I loved that guy like a brother in high school.
- Poor Jennifer was raised in a difficult household, and never got to have a life, but as others in the comments have pointed out, they were raised in similar circumstances, but didn’t hire a hitman to kill their parents.
- However, my parents were understanding, so I told the truth 50% of the time haha.
Are you some kind of therapist or teacher or something? If not, you probably should be because you have a real understanding of exactly what is happening with this particular issue. Being exactly right isn’t necessarily a good place to be since so many people don’t get it at all, but you are exactly right! When people are forced to become something that is a lie, they start telling lies and can’t stop until somebody dies. I agree that the grounding and cellphone punishment needed to be accompanied by serious psychological therapy. Pathological liars can’t ever stop once they get on the wheel. They keep on chasing something that isn’t even there. That is a kind of madness that we encourage in hamsters, but probably doesn’t work well with humans. Getting off the wheel would have taken deep therapy work for the entire family, something that isn’t addressed in this article.
She had been lying about everything since she was at a young age, to her parents, her boyfriend, friends. I agreed that her parents were control freaks but she should be honest with them. What they had done to her was to take away her phone and laptop and lock her in the house after knowing that she was a liar. This was unbelievable and she deserved to receive life sentence and I hope that she will never get freed. Over nearly four hours, Jennifer spun out an absurd explanation. She said the attack had been an elaborate plan to commit suicide gone horribly wrong. She had given up on life but couldn’t manage to kill herself, so she hired Homeboy, whose real name she claimed not to know, to do it for her. In September, however, her relationship with her father had suddenly improved, and she decided to call off the hit. But somehow wires got crossed, and the men ended up killing her parents instead of her. In the spring of 2011, relying on analysis of cellphone calls and texts, they nabbed Daniel, Mylvaganam, Carty and Crawford, and charged all five with first-degree murder, attempted murder and conspiracy to commit murder. Jennifer resisted, but Daniel had grown weary of their secret romance. She was 24 and still sneaking around, terrified of her parents’ tirades but not willing to leave home. He told her to figure out her life, and he broke off their relationship. Shortly thereafter, she learned that Daniel was seeing a girl named Christine. In an attempt to win back his attention and discredit Christine, she concocted a bizarre tale. She told him a man had knocked on her door and flashed what looked like a police badge. When she opened the door, a group of men rushed in, overpowered her and gang-raped her in the foyer of her house. Then a few days later, she said, she received a bullet in an envelope in her mailbox. Both instances, she alleged, were warnings from Christine to leave Daniel alone. Bich Ha and Huei Hann Pan were classic examples of the Canadian immigrant success story. Hann was raised and educated in Vietnam and moved to Canada as a political refugee in 1979. Bich (pronounced “Bick”) came separately, also a refugee. They married in Toronto and lived in Scarborough. They had two kids, Jennifer, in 1986, and Felix, three years later, and found jobs at the Aurora-based auto parts manufacturer Magna International, Hann as a tool and die maker and Bich making car parts. By 2004, Bich and Hann had saved enough to buy a large home with a two-car garage on a quiet residential street in Markham. He drove a Mercedes-Benz and she a Lexus ES 300, and they accumulated $200,000 in the bank. Our App supports TouchID and FaceID for fast and easy log in. Quick Launch gives access to the last 4 mobile slot games you played.
- ” She did have the skills to make a life for herself.
- I hope you aren’t trying to get us to pity the girl and blame the father for pushing her to this point.
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- Now her story has become a case of a very extreme reaction to an unfortunately common way that immigrant parents raise their children.
Rather than sympathy or judgements, what happened happened. If you want a child to be your trophy, why not just be a throphy yourself. If you are stressed up, talk to your parents or just ignore it and live as you want. I hope you aren’t trying to get us to pity the girl and blame the father for pushing her to this point. Every child coming from an immigrant family experiences those pressures. It doesn’t mean you should go and have your parents killed. She and the rest of those guys got what they deserved. Any gambling operation in Thailand is regulated by the Gambling Act ofB.E.2478. This act prohibits all Thai citizens from playing any casino orbetting games. This includes various Thai dice games, betting on animal fights,and other traditional Thai games such as slot machines, roulette, and othercard games. By th way, the biggest poker rooms are usually first-class facilities. So there is a direct correlation between the size and the quality. The most interesting part in this rating is where these biggest cardrooms are placed. The USA is the country with poker life concentrated in several cities. For the last eight years, the largest tournament in the world has been the World Series of Poker Main Event. With the exception of 1992, the US$10,000 buy-in tournament increased in prize pool year-over. PokerStars is one the most well-known poker sites that allows players to play several games.
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Needless to say I burnt out fairly quit as I never really had a break from study since I started at 5 years old lol. Luckily by then my parents were a lot more open to me dropping out especially since I got myself a decent professional already and was earning more than what my parents ever could. Its not that much but compared to immigrant parents, it was a massive step up to what they were used to. So Asian parents basically want to have their cake and eat it too. They want all the perks of the West for themselves in an Asian traditional family way, but they don’t want their kids to live their own lives and actually be Western kids. That’s really selfish, narcissistic and perverted imho. And it’s no wonder that they would rationalize this as “love”. I went to Mary Ward with Jennifer and Daniel. This girl paints Mary Ward as some bohemian utopia. Yes it was a fun school to go to, if you had any kind of social life you were going to struggle. But instead of going batshit I got a job and did really well. My rebellion was getting a job and becoming completely self sufficient. I was fortunate enough to graduate from uni just before the GFC when there were still plenty of positions open. I have been working in a professional job ever since.
- How do you lie and deceive such controlling parents for so long?
- Love, discipline, friends, achievement, hard work.
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But that is not why I’ve pushed my children hard. I can tell that you feel have strong feelings about how justice should be meted out. Feeling the way that you do, would you have helped Jennifer implement her plan? Would you have facilitated the hiring of a hitman? Are you willing to tell Dad to his face that he deserved what he got, that his wife deserved to slaughtered in the basement of her home with a blanket pulled over her head? Poor Jennifer was raised in a difficult household, and never got to have a life, but as others in the comments have pointed out, they were raised in similar circumstances, but didn’t hire a hitman to kill their parents. They refused to realize that it’s ok not to succeed and become a lawyer/doctor/engineer.